Proof vs. Potential

There was an interesting post last week by  Jingjin Liu on how men have much more conviction and self-belief when selling their start-up, despite having a less validated plan and customer feedback than women.

I have also seen this in the corporate workplace (and done this myself) and I want to share my insights on why, and what perhaps we could all learn to close the gap between "selling" and actual capability. Of course, these are general trends, and there are always exceptions to the rule, so please consider this as insight, not absolute.

In my experience, women sell themselves on proof, and men on potential.

How does this show up?

Women don't want to let other people down. So they don't assume they can do the job - they want to prove they can do it. And not just as a one time fluke - they want to prove it multiple times! In addition, they don't want to promote themselves at the expense of their team. So even when they have proven their capability, they tend to give recognition to multiple people, not just themselves. 

In a nutshell, women fear letting down the people who trusted them to do a great job, more than the thrill of getting that promotion. So they lean back, rather than forward. They underestimate and undersell their abilities and potential.

In contrast, men tend to sell themselves on potential. Even if they have the same level of experience (or less) than the woman standing next to them, they are more likely to have conviction in why they are the best candidate. They will promise bigger outcomes. They will highlight the role they have played, and how they are the key person who made it happen (rather than the team) and hence are ready for this next step. They get the promotion, lean forward into their potential, learn on the job & this becomes self-fulfilling. They build the capability they promised. 

So how do we recognise these differences and close the gap, so there is greater meritocracy?

Women do need to strengthen their self-belief and feel comfortable talking about their abilities without feeling they are boasting. They need to accept that everyone goes through a high learning curve when doing something new and back themselves - even if they haven't done it before.

Men need to understand that women are less likely to self-promote, and they generally give greater recognition to others as they deeply value these relationships (to not give others credit feels dishonest). Spend time digging beneath the "sell", to understand the facts and actual contribution. Get feedback from others - see what they say, rather than just what the candidates say.

Men and women have equal potential to grow and contribute. Let's level up the playing field.